Healing. The process and the ugly truth.

Healing oneself with a few easy steps is a ugly lie. Healing reaps you apart and slowly makes you into a new person. Wait a minute, isn’t that what pain and troubles are supposed to do? Let me tell you one little fact, pain is part of the healing process. So if anyone out there is telling you that healing feels wonderful then you are being misguided. We feel bad even waking up five minutes earlier because that’s a change just imagine how healing can feel wonderful if just a little waking up sooner then you used to doesn’t?

Obviously physical injuries can be seen and even taken care of by different ailments but what about the inner ones? The scars that we walk around with but no one can see? The ones we feel will never heal and we keep looking for something to keep us afloat everyday, like an ant hangs on to a leaf when a stormy river takes it away from the shore. You will survive and sometimes you will find yourself in an entirely new territory, yes you yourself is a changed person and learning to walk again is difficult but you must keep going, don’t try to go back to the same storm that terraformed your being. I remember when I was in such position reading about how to heal myself did not help me as much as my intent to go through it no matter the pain I felt every single moment.

Healing. Haruhi Murakami
I have not read this book but whenever I see this quote I feel like no matter how big the storm is, it is possible to come out of it.

That being said, most of our pain is self inflicted but that pain is necessary in teaching us what we need to learn and sometimes it takes us three to four rounds before we have “learnt” out lesson. Articles, self help books, quotes, motivational speeches etc don’t do much good unless you understand that it is there to help you walk the path but it can’t walk the path for you and make you feel any better. As if applying them to life will suddenly change everything, all the troubles and problems will magically disappear and be done with. Pffft, it’s gone, welcome to a whole new you. If it was that easy would there be poems about heartaches and stories after stories of how loss feels?

Healing doesn’t mean leaving all those experiences locked away in the past and learning to live without them. Healing is in confronting the pain that our expectation of the experiences bring to us, all wrapped under shiny gift wrappers with a bow knot of a wonderful lace. Healing means letting go of the illusion of control which actually makes us feel bad because we have to accept our shortcomings and that hurts us.

For example, one most obvious condition that hurt or pain most people is – “Why did someone so close to me betray me? don’t they love me? why would they do this to me? Β I don’t understand. ”Β 

Well we imagine and imagine scenarios in our heads to justify the situation but we can’t come to a solution because we love that person. We ask them again and again until they get tired of answering the questions. Then the process of feeling the pain on a deeper level begins since we are not coming to a solution and letting it be. That is just how healing begins. Healing of our thoughts, our hearts, our minds and what not. Our self inflicted storms has the power to keep hurting us as long as we keep letting them. One day when we finally grow tired of that constant pain and aimless questions, we start asking ourselves the right questions and that is when the self help articles, books, speeches etc come into play.

When I first began to heal ourselves unconsciously we start giving ourselves pain because the pain gives the memories strength to be alive even after they are long gone. So we stay in constant pain and sometimes we come to love that pain, we feel helpless without it. Instead of healing the injury we keep scratching it, making it itch more as the day goes by. That’s the first step toward depression and deeper pain. The pit only grows deeper from there. But it is POSSIBLE to get out of there. Let the pain teach you instead of run from it and just ask, “Why me?” Instead say, yes it happened to me but I won’t let it make me into something I am not, I wont let the pain define me. I will heal myself and I will let my loved ones in. So some of your old belief and hopes will be gone and you will have something new to look forward to, let it happen. Don’t hold back and just be in the moment, start by being where you are right now and the rest will be taken care of as you learn to walk on your own, with the help of others but by yourself, you must take the pilgrimage yourself. πŸ™‚

What ifΒ it doesn’t turn out as you wanted it? Maybe that’s the best part…. You get to dream something new and take it from there.Β 

Healing is a dirty thing. It is beautiful too. It’s weird how powerful it is. This is coming from someone who has gone through it or maybe she still is going through it, that’s for some other day. Hope this helps if you ever need to hear some ugly truth about the process of healing.

Thanks for reading. πŸ™‚

12 comments Add yours
  1. The hurt is painful. Healing? Well, as long as the hurt remains or the scar remains, healing has to be painful too. That’s an ugly truth. No doubt.

  2. I wasn’t going to read blogs tonight, but somehow something told me to stop by your blog. This post, wow. What a deep, emotional post and such an analytical one, picking the whole notion of healing apart. You summed it up so beautifully at the end, “Healing is a dirty thing. It is beautiful too.” Also love the quote in the blue box. I think, often we feel pain when we heal because we are vulnerable. When we are down and looking for something to make us feel whole, we are prone to being taken advantage and get hurt all over again.

    Pain gives us memories and strength? I so agree with that. There was a time in my life when I did very badly at university – did badly in maths and coming from a Chinese family, that brought a lot of shame. It was a dark point in my life. But if not for it, I will not be the writer whom I am today. That experience thought me no matter where you are, you can always start a new and do what feels right <3

    1. πŸ™‚ Thanks so much Mabel for reading it and giving such a thoughtful comment. πŸ™‚ I am happy that sharing what I felt has not been in vain and someone somewhere feels the same way. πŸ™‚ I am so happy that you overcame the pain part and healed yourself about the study and shame part… I think your writing is much an glimpse of who you are, you are a wonderful writer. I am so happy you decided to write.

      Doing what feels right is such a liberating experience, scary maybe but liberating, isn’t it?

      1. So glad you decided to write about what you feel, and by sharing I think you helped a lot of us realise that we go through the same thing. And it’s always possible to come out on tops if we take it in our stride.

        Scary but liberating, agreed. Scary because we don’t know what to expect, liberating because you never know what you can achieve πŸ™‚

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