Life Is A Chore. Every Single Day. Every Singe Night.

Stop this noises. Stop it please. Everyday starts with it and ends with it. The quite humming inside my mind doesn’t stop. Life is a chore, I can’t think no more. My mind is thumping and crying for rest. Daily there is this need to lie down and rest. Sometimes it feels like I should go to sleep and not wake up for another 48 hours or more. I want to rest.

But there are so many things I need to do. No, I have to do them, I want to….. Goes to laptop & watches another drama. I need to blog, Goes to laptop opens blog but there are no thoughts to write on. Where did they run to? I just had them. Mind is an active volcano, spewing dust and lava 24*7 so suddenly why did it stop? Aaarrghhh, I will go mad. I have no idea whats going on.

Yes sir, we have this product. You see this is how you use it…. Goes blank. How did they use it again? What was the password to my cell? I set it just yesterday. Grrhh… Why don’t I seem to remember it? Occasionally (like 100 times a day) my mind loves to embarrass me in front of everyone. hello…. Hema… You listening? Stares blankly, what? feels shocked, doesn’t know whats going on Sorry, what is it? My mind is roaming somewhere in clouds. Uggh, what is going on. Someone please explain.

I need to make lunch but I just finished cleaning after breakfast. An hour stretches into a day and a day stretches into years. Did you make dinner? you read that book?? Nooooooo… Time. I need more time. I know everyone has 24 hour only but I need 36 more. 🙂 You used to be an excellent employee why are you taking so many sick leaves. What is going on.

God knows, I have no idea whats going on.  Breath, I need to breath. My chest is getting clenched, Oh God I can’t breath, please help me. Please, help. Tears come streaming out of my eyes as I clutch my chest, beat on it with my fist as I cling to the bed’s arm for support. He stares at me, not knowing what to do. I can see how scared he is, his face is like still water, every single action shows on it. I shout, ‘Bring me water, please.’ I drink water and slowly I relax. What did just happen? Maybe it’s time I figure it out.

My body pains. Where? EVERYWHERE. Just need some moments, let me breath and relax. Nobody knows the deepness or the worries it causes me. It is difficult to understand for everyone at home and at office. Why can’t I just live normally? Need to blog, it’s my medicine, it gives me happiness to be around bloggers, creators.

Gets home. Tired to the bone. Need to lay down, rest some before I cook dinner. Neck hurts, shoulders hurts my effing spine hurts. Just going to sleep. Off to bed. Why can’t I sleep…. One… Two… Three… Did I close the front door properly? Is he asleep? He looks so calm. Why can’t I sleep. Let’s read something…. Nope, can’t concentrate, too tired to read. What’s going on with the world? Does anyone who has nothing to gain from me, cares about me?Mr. Bean looks a lot like a lost monkey, lost but happy. Shoot! It’s already 3 am. Closes eyes. One… Two… Three… Opens eyes and lays there like a lost soul…. Sleep, oh please stop evading me.

Day in, Day out, Life is a chore. Maybe it’s time I figure it out the why. Still, don’t give up, ever.

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