Love simply is…. part ii
Before you begin reading this chapter, read the first part of my short story, Love simply is if you haven’t already.
It is almost an hour, there’s still 30 minutes to before I reach my stop. It is windy evening but the bus is warm. I am singing along with Joe Gonzales and looking out the window when they stepped into the bus. A young couple, laughing together and holding hands. They are looking for an empty seat and suddenly the girl’s eyes meet mine, I look away like a guilty stalker who has been caught stalking. I find myself clutching my cellphone tightly and my eyes close for a moment as I pray, “Please God don’t let them seat beside me. Please, please I beg you.” I hear strong footsteps and a thud beside me and I am sure that God didn’t listen to my prayer even today. I curse God mentally as I open my eyes and stare out the window with a grim expression of a child whose candy has just been snatched away. “It’s a cold evening. Thank God I am beside you”, the girl is gently nudging close as she entwines her arm with his and puts her head on his shoulders. Yes, I am stealing glances at them as if that’s the only thing I can do. Why the hell has my play list come to an end. I start another song and try to get lost in it.
Despite the songs I find myself trying to find out what the couple is saying and it’s driving me crazy. My stop seems much farther away than it already was. I take out my diary and try to write as the bus driver bumps on yet another bumper without thinking about the last seat passengers. The girl laughs loudly. God, get this torture over with. I curse under my breath again. My diary isn’t much of an escape but I keep my head down, my hair is doing a good job keeping my face hidden so they don’t think I am a creep. I laugh to myself, “Maybe they think I am a creep after all.” Suddenly I start writing in my diary and before I know I have scribbled a few lines which doesn’t do much to help my condition. I take a deep breath and read it…
Tonight, I want to leave behind all the bad memories
And if I must I want to think of the happy ones.
Can I leave behind the heartaches caused by impossible what ifs?
I want to look past your lazy attitude, the way you leave me hanging
I want to forget about the hurts, to remember your warm laugh on my face
To let your arms make me feel safe like no else power in this world
I want… I want.. . to love you one more time, just like I did once upon a time.
Pathetic excuse of a human being. That’s what I am. I must be. What kind of grown up marriageable woman wants to go back to the shmuck who left her hanging when her parents denied him without meeting him? Aaah, there it is, everything I want to forget is coming back in large tidal waves. I hold back a sob as I close my diary.
“I don’t want to hurt your parents Mira.” He said as he looked at me with those dark black eyes. There was some hurt in his eyes too but I was angry, I wanted him to fight for me. “No, please. Let’s try once. Let’s talk to my parents. I… I can’t let you go like this.”
But he turned around and walked away. I kept looking at his back, I wanted to scream, I wanted to stop him, I wanted him to come back and hug me, I wanted him to take away this unfathomable pain that was gripping my heart but my voice failed me, I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Tears after tears rolled down my cheeks as I watched him go, maybe he would turn around but he didn’t even wave like he always did. In a few seconds he vanished from my view and I never saw him again.
The bus stops for another stop and I come back to reality as the couple beside me hurry out the bus. They step down and embrace each other, the guy kisses her forehead and whispers something to her, she laughs. Unknown to me a small smile forms on my lips and I remember the first time he kissed my forehead and the bus starts to move again. I look out the window toward the couple for a few seconds before the bus turns and takes them out of my sight… I miss him.